Jericho Seeks Patent - JOLT Maple Syrup, Photovoltaic Chicken. Made in Vermont

Jericho Adds a Jolt to Maple Syrup:

seeks patent, 

Vermont Electro (Jolt) Maple Syrup

(Locally sourced, Organic Jericho Satire)

JERICHO, VT - Jericho Settlers Farm is looking to diversify its CSA and local food stand offerings have come up with a novel new Maple Syrup offering. Research into old maple stands determined that some very old maple trees were cut down for firewood even though they were still producing leaves, and therefore, presumably, still producing maple sap.

Apparently, a few of these old Vermont maple denizens gained a following at Green Mountain Power as a way to fulfill their objectives of sustainability and sourcing locally.  Christa of Jericho Settlers Farm, being observant as ever, noted that the GMP power pole in front of the farm was stamped, “Made in Vermont – Maple Wood”.

Being industrious and observant, Christa devised an experiment to determine if there might be some remnant maple sap in the maple wood GMP poles.

Maple sap bucket on a power pole
in front of Jericho Settlers Farm

The method was simple and straightforward enough. She followed the true maple sugaring method of drilling a hole, inserting a tap, and hanging a bucket – only in this case, all done not on a maple tree, but on a maple wood power pole.

Not only did sap drip into the bucket, but during high (power) peak times the flow shot out in bursts.

The flow of positive maple ions mixed with the flow of electrons through the GMP conductor emanating from the power pole result in a chemical soupy sap. The chemical soupy sap similar to electrolytes is transformed into ions whereby the electrons are discharged through the metal bucket. The process does not work with plastic sap buckets.

The flow of charged particles – electrons - does add a small amount of weight to the sap, distinguishing it from normal maple sap.

The benefit of this type of maple sap is that it does not need boiling to make syrup. In this case, the effect of static electricity – instantaneous equalization discharges from the power pole to the metal bucket and quickly turns the sap into a sweet maple-like syrup.

Art by Chris Cleary

This produces three grades of (JOLT) Electro Syrup. The lightest color grade is called “300 Volts”, the medium amber is called “Zap Amber”, and the dark amber is called “Fried Toast”.

J.O.L.T. stands for 

Jericho

Overstimulating

Lucious

Thermochemistry

Maple Syrup

Christa is seeking a patent on the process. GMP is expected to co-brand the product with Jericho Settlers Farm, marketing the product as Sweet Local Power–Ade. 

 For some really great local maple products check with Tom at Birch Hill Sugar Works. He may not have any Electro Jolt Syrup, but he has some great-tasting Jericho VT Maple Syrup. 

LATE UPDATE - Christa is reportedly said to be working with Gro Solar to produce Jericho fried chicken fresh off the solar panel. The (so far secret) concept: Photons or particles of light knock the electrons free from chicken's atoms generating a flow of electricity that fries chicken in a matter of seconds. The new food product is tentatively named Jericho Fried Photovoltaic Chicken. 

KFC is said to be interested pending further experiments with the solarized chicken process. McDonald's is also inquiring about a possible sunny-side-up solar egg McMuffin. 

Stay tuned, things are happening at Jericho Settlers Farm. Meanwhile, check out their website for CSA and other great local food options - FOR REAL!

When the lights are out
JERICHO ELECTRO MAPLE IS ON!

THIS JUST IN: KFC considers Jericho Photovoltaic Chicken as Really FAST food and may add Jericho's Electro Syrup to the menu as well. 

From Europe: Jericho USA - Electrical Jolt creates a new Maple product. Warning: product is untested as of yet. It may cause brain zaps!

This story was compiled by a prankster in Jericho’s Division of Community Engagement in service of April Fool’s Day. Please do not climb the telephone poles in search of maple syrup. (Or for any reason for that matter.)

See more Maple Syrup news at - University of Vermont Tapped to House Nation’s Strategic Maple Syrup Reserve

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Email comments

The way I heard it, Joan Baez, growing up in upstate New York, had a nosy neighbor who often, when he thought he was unnoticed, I guess, could be seen peering from behind the edges of his minimally parted curtains.

 

So together with siblings, I think it was, she tapped a power pole in the vicinity - and they were rewarded, from behind their curtains, by the sight of him surreptitiously checking the bucket for content!

 

Just couldn't stand it!

 

Stuart